


Tears in Heaven

by Justafewthingstosay



Series: Let's say the ineffable [7]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Animal Creation, Aziraphale is sad a lot, Cherub Aziraphale, Crowley before his fall, Crowley's Angel is Rahatiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings of Loneliness, Fluff, Graphic Description, Heaven, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justafewthingstosay/pseuds/Justafewthingstosay
Summary: Heaven is cold. Heaven is lonely. Heaven is a pool of sadness, at least that’s what it was for Aziraphale, until one day an Angel flew into his life. An Angel who wasn’t mean, who wasn’t cold. An Angel who was filled with so much warmth, so much love, so much care, for every creation. Even for the Cherub who had been hidden away, who had never talked to anyone.   The Angel broke every rule, made every sacrifice, but for what?   For power? For reputation?   What could be strong enough to tempt an Angel to go against the direct will of God? To betray everything, except his cherub? The answer, of course, is as easy as it always was.   He did it for Love.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Let's say the ineffable [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1408993
Comments: 33
Kudos: 71
Collections: Good Omens Big Bang 2019





	1. Would you know my name?

**Author's Note:**

> It is finally time to post this  
> I want to thank my wonderful artist [Vianne-art](https://vianne-art.tumblr.com/) for providing the beautiful art!  
> and I want to thank my extremely lovely beta [Fafsernir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fafsernir/pseuds/Fafsernir)

Aziraphale was bored. Now to be perfectly frank, Aziraphale was almost always bored, but today was worse than normal. 

You could only spend so much time watching the angels run around in the main hall. He never even got to see the fun bits, the creations. He had only ever heard of giant animals, of flowers, of fruits and plants, every single one prettier than the last. 

That’s at least what he had heard. Well, heard wasn’t really the right word, 'picked up on' fit better. Because it wasn’t like he was allowed to talk to the angels who actually created all these wonderful things. 

He was only allowed to talk to the Archangels, and they didn’t seem to be the creative type. They were more the ones who watched, made sure that everything was on schedule. They weren’t like the angels whom he watched all day long from his small balcony. Not like the ones with only one set of wings who smiled when they talked to each other, who laughed. 

Aziraphale didn’t remember if he had ever laughed in his existence. 

And even if, what would be the point? He didn’t have anyone to share the laughter, the happiness with. He was alone. 

  
He had always been alone. 

The Guardian of the Eastern Gate of the Garden of Eden, that was his title. That was his purpose, but Eden wasn’t finished yet. There was nothing for him to guard and as the only cherubim, God didn’t really let him roam around freely. 

“You shouldn’t get too attached to the other angels,” she had said. “It will only make staying on Earth harder for you.” 

And maybe she was right, Aziraphale wasn’t sure. Because even now, without having talked to these angels, he missed them. He yearned for them, yearned for a conversation that wasn’t just Gabriel asking him if he was alright and if he needed anything. A conversation that involved laughter, smiles.

But he could only ever dream of such conversations. 

So he was standing at his balcony, his elbows on the railing, his head resting on his right hand, his left hand drawing shapes onto the metal, just to occupy his brain. 

  
He wasn’t paying attention to the angels that were passing below him, too consumed by the desire to mingle between them. 

He heard some chatter from below, but he didn’t look, no he couldn’t. He promised himself that he wouldn’t until he suddenly heard the most beautiful sound that his ears had ever had the honour of perceiving. 

It was a laugh, but it was louder than the other small giggles that he had heard. And nicer. 

His eyes moved up and skimmed the crowd, there weren’t that many people there, so he found the angel whom the laugh belonged to easily. 

He was relatively tall, almost lanky. He had a thin face, sharp cheekbones and the most gorgeous long red hair. 

  
His head was thrown back and his hands held his stomach, as he obviously laughed at something the other angel had said. 

Aziraphale watched how the angel let his head fall forward again, his hair falling into his face. The angel took his hand and pushed it through his hair, moving the hair up and out of his face.

Aziraphale didn’t actually notice that the angel was staring back at him until the angel tilted his head and smiled. 

He looked so friendly, so Aziraphale thought that maybe, maybe God would forgive him for this one. So he waved at the angel, who quickly waved back, before he made himself on his way, following the other angel. 

And just like that, Aziraphale was once again alone, but he didn’t mind this time. He moved away from his balcony, his mind replaying the angel’s laugh. 

It really had been a beautiful symphony. 

  
  


* * *

Aziraphale had been busying himself with the reports of creations that Gabriel had brought him. He needed to know what the angel's creations looked like and what they could do, to know which ones he could let into the garden and which ones had to stay out. 

He had just finished the pages for the new bugs that were created when he heard a noise. As he didn’t hear anything else, he ignored it. Well, he ignored it until he suddenly heard a voice.

  
“Hey, what are you doing here all alone?”

Aziraphale fell out of his chair when he heard the voice speak. He heard a short snort and a soft giggle before the voice said. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

Aziraphale got up, he was fine, but his dignity was a little hurt. Before he looked up, he quickly dusted off his robe, even though there wasn’t any dust on it. 

When he looked up, he found himself right in front of the red-haired angel, who was sitting on the railing of his balcony, his feet dangling. 

“You really shouldn't be here,” Aziraphale said carefully, moving back to his chair. 

He couldn’t talk to the angel, he wasn’t allowed to, so he thought that sending him away might be the best thing. 

But he didn’t actually add the angel to his calculations, who was suddenly standing behind him, leaning over his shoulder to look at the pages that Aziraphale was eyeing.

“What are you reading?” the angel said so close to Aziraphale’s ear that he could feel his breath on his skin. 

  
“I’m the Guardian of the Eastern Gate, I need to be familiar with the animals that will be in the garden, so I have a list of the new additions that you angels make every day.” He tried not to let his excitement bleed through his words. Someone was here, talking to him. Interested in him. 

No one else had ever actually cared unless they had to. 

“Oh I don’t make the animals, I mean I know how to, but I’m not in the squadron that is in charge of creating new ones.” The angel spoke with such ease as if he wasn’t intruding a cherub’s chambers, as if he wasn’t breaking multiple of God’s rules at the moment. 

Should he indulge? Indulge in his fantasy of an actual conversation? Before he could make up his mind, his mouth already spoke.   
  
“So what do you do?” 

The angel moved away from his back, twirling quickly. “I create stars,” He grinned and Aziraphale tried to muster up all his will power to look away. He couldn’t.

The angel was the embodiment of happiness from what he had seen until now, he looked as if he was genuinely happy with who he was, with what he was doing, something that Aziraphale couldn’t relate to. 

  
“I’ve never seen the stars,” he mentioned nonchalantly. It was true, he had never been allowed to leave his chambers, to not spoil his first impression of Earth. 

“Oh, I’ll show you, don’t worry.” The angel grinned, saying it so easily that Aziraphale would have worried that it was just a joke, but the hopeful look in the other’s eyes let him know that he meant it. 

  
“What is your name?” 

“Rahatiel” The other smiled, bowing jokingly and that was when it first happened. Aziraphale felt a soft smile graced his lips. 

The first happiness he had ever felt. 

“And yours?” 

“Aziraphale.”

“Well, I’m pleased to make your acquaintance, Aziraphale, Guardian of the Eastern Gate.”

“I can only share that sentiment.” 

They shared a careful smile, a smile that signified a beginning. A beginning of something so much bigger than Heaven, so much bigger than Earth. 

But for now, it was just a smile, shared in the silence of the Cherub’s chambers.

Before it was interrupted by footsteps and a knock on Aziraphale’s door.

“I’ll come back tomorrow!” Rahatiel smiled, before running and jumping off the balcony, spreading his wings in the last moment so he wouldn’t fall. 

Aziraphale’s eyes followed the other before he turned back to the door. “Yes?” 

Gabriel walked in with his usual fake smile. “Aziraphale!” 

All the happiness that Aziraphale had felt when he had talked with Rahatiel was drained out of his body. “Gabriel.” 

“Did you already study all the new animals?” 

“Most of them, yes. Why?”

Gabriel moved over and took the pages. “Well, you see. An angel today created a thing called ‘The Platypus’ and we found out that he didn’t actually belong to the division of animal making, so we’re going to take it out.”    
  


Aziraphale remembered the platypus. He had read about it just before Rahatiel had shown up. “I liked it. But if you have to take it out, I understand.” 

Gabriel miracled the pages away and grinned his fake grin. “That’s nice, we are going to ask the Almighty if she wants to keep it, but for now, we are taking it out.” 

Aziraphale nodded and watched as Gabriel left without another word. 

He silently wished that the Almighty would keep the platypus. 

Just as a memory. 


	2. Flowers and Eyes

Aziraphale was very sure that he had made up the entire encounter from yesterday. The beautiful angel, the red locks.

It wouldn’t be the first time that his brain played a trick on him, his loneliness manifesting as a daydream, as a person. As a friend. 

So, he went about his business, studying the new plants of the angels with a heightened focus, to distract himself of the angel’s laugh that kept playing in his mind, like a long-forgotten song that you only know one part of, so it kept repeating itself until you one day grew sick of it. 

But Aziraphale had the feeling that he would never get sick of that laugh, of that daydream. Aziraphale sighed, as he turned the page, looking at the face of a small mongoose, the newest addition to the garden, by an Angel named Reuel. 

It was an interesting animal, but as he stared into the small beady eyes, he couldn’t help but think of what Rahatiel’s eyes looked like. He hadn’t actually paid that much attention when he had manifested himself the last time, so he thought of the eyes that he had seen in his life, to figure out which would best fit the red-haired Angel. 

He dismissed Gabriel’s purple eyes early on, he didn’t want to think of him when he stared into Rahatiels eyes, then he thought of Michael, with her brownish eyes that matched her hair, then he thought of his own, pale blue with brown streaks, but those didn’t fit, they weren’t beautiful enough for the red-haired creation that was Rahatiel, the most beautiful creation that Aziraphale had ever seen. 

If he had any say of what creations were made, were put in the garden, were worshipped, he would pick Rahatiel every time. 

Aziraphale let his head fall into his hands with a sigh, he didn’t even know if this angel was real, he might have dreamt him. And even if he hadn’t, which he has very sure that he had, he wasn’t allowed to spend time with him. Would never be allowed to do so. 

So he shouldn’t get his hopes up. He was created to be alone, to serve alone, to live alone. To die alone. 

That is what Aziraphale was supposed to be, alone. 

But if he had just picked his head up, he would have noticed that he wasn’t. Well, he wasn’t anymore. Because while he had been massaging his forehead, trying to calm himself and remind himself that the Almighty would never accept that he had a friend, his new friend had made his way up to his balcony. Sitting on the railing and watching the cherub. 

“She would never allow it,” Aziraphale sighed into his hands, pressing his thumbs against his temples. 

“She would never allow what?” a voice came from the railing. Aziraphale snapped his head up to look at the source of the voice that he had already grown fond of, it was the angel. Maybe he wasn’t a being of his imagination after all. 

He felt his lips twitch upwards to form the third smile of his life. But while he smiled, he remembered that the angel had asked him a question and he didn’t really want to say what his worries were actually about, so he came up with a lie. He had never lied before. Another first that Rahatiel brought into his life, and definitely not the last that he was going to bring.

“Well hello again, first of all, and second of all, I wanted to ask the Almighty if I could actually see a few creations before being put in the garden.” When he finished talking, he was quite proud of himself, he hadn’t stuttered as he expected himself to, so he patted himself on the back metaphorically, before looking up at the angel again. 

The angel had moved closer while he spoke, now standing next to him, looking over the desk and studying the picture of the mongoose. 

While Rahatiel studied the mongoose, Aziraphale allowed himself a glance at the angel next to him. 

His red hair fell into his face, and Aziraphale felt the urge to tuck it behind his ear. He had soft golden freckles that ran up his neck but stopped when it got close to his face. They were organised in distinct patterns, connected through soft golden lines. 

Aziraphale didn’t know what the patterns meant, but he felt the urge to run his fingers over them, tracing them. He wanted to memorise them. 

The Angel turned to him, smiling at him with excitement in his eyes, and that was when Aziraphale first really took in his eyes. They were more beautiful than anything that he could have ever come up with. They were a deep gold, fine strands of silver running through them, mixed with orange. His pupils were dark circles in them, and Aziraphale was staring so hard that he saw himself in them. 

“So you’ve never seen an animal before?” Rahatiel asked, his eyebrows furrowed, but his smile looked excited. 

Aziraphale shook his head. “No, the Almighty said I should experience the creations with the humans in the garden.” 

Rahatiel cocked his head to the side and his lips pulled themselves into a wicked smile. “Would you like to see an animal?” 

“I’m not allowed to,” Aziraphale murmured. 

“That’s not what I’m asking though, now is it?” Rahatiel grinned, sitting down next to Aziraphale onto a chair that wasn’t there a second before. “I’m asking if you would like to.”

  
While the other angel talked, Aziraphale had redirected his gaze onto the floor, and when the angel was done, he gave a careful nod. 

He didn’t look up, but if he had, he would have seen that Rahatiel was grinning, while he carefully moved his hands, and a small mongoose was sitting on his palm. 

“Look,” he whispered and Aziraphale did. He stared at the beady eyed creature, its slender body rising and falling with every breath it took, its nose wiggling as it sniffed the air. 

It was adorable. But then there was a small noise outside and the mongoose squeaked, jumping from Rahatiel’s hand onto Aziraphale gown, climbing up it with rapid speed. 

Aziraphale screamed, it was a high pitch scream of terror and Rahatiel’s face mirrored the emotion of his scream. 

  
Rahatiel’s hand waved through the air and with that the mongoose was gone and Rahatiel’s hands were on Aziraphale’s shoulders. 

  
“Are you alright?” Rahatiel asked, his voice laced with worry. 

Aziraphale stared into the golden eyes and softly nodded. 

  
“Too fast?” 

“Yes,” he admitted, even though he had the feeling Rahatiel wasn’t speaking about the mongoose. And for a small second, Aziraphale thought that the other might leave. That he would be alone again, because he was boring, because he wasn’t worth waiting for. Because he was made to be alone. But then the other spoke up again. 

“How about we try a flower first?” Rahatiel questioned with a smile on his face. “At least those can’t jump.”

Aziraphale couldn’t stop the smile that painted itself on his face and when he saw that the other mirrored his carefree smile, his heart felt like it itself grew a pair of wings. 

“Is there a particular flower that you are interested in?” Rahatiel inquired, his fingers moving through the air between them with a delicate grace. 

The blonde thought about it for a moment, he had seen so many flowers, yellow ones, red ones, ones that had all different kinds of colours. All of them with different meanings and smells.

But then, he remembered one. One with a particular fitting meaning. “Can you make a daffodil?” 

Rahatiel nodded and, with a swift motion, a daffodil appeared in his hands. It had white petals and the inside was a bright yellow, with a ring of red at the very top. 

  
“I can make you whatever you want, Aziraphale,” Rahatiel commented, handing the flower to Aziraphale, who took it with a careful smile. To hear the other say his name was a different kind of symphony. His laugh was like an entire choir, but the way that his mouth wrapped around Aziraphale’s name sounded like a solo singer, singing a song not beautiful enough for their gorgeous voice, but singing it anyway, because they felt like it. Because they cared for it, because they wanted to. 

When they heard footsteps, Rahatiel quickly moved away from Aziraphale. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” he grinned, running towards the balcony.   
  
“Your flower!” Aziraphale urged, wanting to give the flower back.    
  
“Keep it. I made it for you, didn’t I?” Rahatiel replied and, before Aziraphale could argue, the other had jumped off the balcony, into the vastness of Heaven.

“Aziraphale!” The voice of Gabriel came from the hallway, he sounded close. So Aziraphale hid the flower in the small drawer of his desk. 

Just as he slid it shut, Gabriel walked in. “Good day! That’s what we’re calling them now, Days, isn’t that interesting?” the archangel declared, a bright grin on his face and some more pages in his hands. 

“A very nice word,” Aziraphale agreed, watching the other drop the papers on his desk. 

“Well, here are the new creations. Learn them quickly, alright?” 

Aziraphale nodded, and Gabriel turned to walk out again, but Aziraphale stopped him before he could leave completely. “Oh Gabriel, did the Almighty decide on the Platypus?” 

Gabriel turned around with a sigh. “She decided to keep it, I don’t really understand why, but I’m just following orders, just like everyone else.” Gabriel grinned his forced grin that made his entire face scrunch up. “Speaking of orders, I need to talk to Michael. See you later, Aziraphale.” 

And with that, he was alone. Once again. That seemed to be a theme, he started his days alone and he ended them alone, but he didn’t mind because now there were moments, small fleeting moments, where he felt happy, where he smiled. He never had that before. 

He walked over to his desk, ignoring the new papers, only to pull out the daffodil from the drawer. He sat down on the chair and studied the flower. While he did so, he unknowingly performed a miracle. He wished that the flower would never wilt, and maybe, just maybe that flower was going to be just as beautiful and pristine in 6000 years, lying in a dusty bookshop desk drawer.

Not acknowledged, but never forgotten. At least that might be what was going to happen, there was no way to be sure. 

But, one could hope. 


	3. You're late

Rahatiel took his time the next day. He almost took so long that Aziraphale worried that he wasn’t going to come at all, but he did. 

He appeared like the other times, sitting on the railing, the sunlight hitting his face and reflecting itself in his hair. He looked ethereal. 

“Sorry, that I’m so late,” he smiled, his feet dangling. “I might have started a big new project in the stars and it’s taken a lot more out of me than I expected.” 

While he had been talking, Aziraphale had started to make his way over. “Oh, you don’t have to spend time with me if you need a rest. I understand.” 

The Angel just rolled his eyes at the other’s worry and grinned. “Spending time with you is what gives me the energy to actually finish these projects, so if you don’t mind. I’ll gladly spend some time with you.” 

Aziraphale’s chest warmed up, and if he had a heart he would have felt a slight tug at it. “I quite enjoy our time together,”

Rahatiel slipped off the railing gracefully, without really falling, but more like floating to the ground. As his feet hit the tiles, it didn’t make a sound. “Did you think of what you want to see today?” he asked with an excited look on his face, while he walked closer to the Cherub. 

The Cherub who was almost panicking at the proximity of the other. He could smell the stardust on his hair which sparkled in the sunshine. Every time the Angel laughed or moved his head, he would catch glimpses of it. He wondered whether he would get dust stuck on his fingers if he ran them through the other’s hair, how it would look in a long braid, how it would look moving through his fingers, reflecting the sun like silk. 

“I haven’t really thought about it, what is your favourite animal? That can’t immediately jump on me, that is. Don’t really want that to happen again,” he smiled shyly, averting his eyes for a few seconds until he looked back at the Angel, catching the hint of a smile on his face.

Rahatiel didn’t answer, just stretched out his arms, before closing his eyes for a second and suddenly a giant white and yellow snake was lying on his shoulders. It had a head as big as Aziraphale’s hand, and for a moment, he was scared. 

But his fear faded when he saw how careful the snake slid over Rahatiel’s shoulders, how he only had to softly nudge the animal and she would take a different route. 

That’s when the angel looked away from the snake and at the other, his face in a smile. “You know what this is?” he suddenly questioned. And for Aziraphale it felt like all the information he had ever read about any animal was suddenly gone. As if the sheer presence of Rahatiel took all the information that he had, and jumbled it in his mind. But that was kind of what happened anyway when Rahatiel was around. He couldn’t catch a single normal thought. All of them were about the Angel in some way or another and Aziraphale was a little worried that it might be bad. 

But at the same time, he enjoyed it. He enjoyed thinking about the Angel, he enjoyed replaying his laugh and his little jokes. He enjoyed just watching him sometimes, not really listening to what he had to say, because he just couldn’t rip his eyes of the beauty that was his friend. 

He always asked afterwards, if the Angel could repeat certain bits, and the Angel just smiled knowingly and repeated it. 

“Aziraphale? You still with me? I can make her go away if you’re scared,” 

The Cherub snapped out of it, only to be greeted by a worried Angel who was staring at him, and a snake, that didn’t look worried but was also staring at him. 

“Oh no, I’m fine. I’m not sure if I have seen one like her before. In my notes I mean,” he replied honestly. 

“That’s because she is special. She’s a Burmese Python, but they aren’t normally this colour. They are normally a brown - greenish colour, but she’s an albino.” Rahatiel grinned, while he watched the snake tilt her head towards him in awe. 

Aziraphale locked eyes with the snake for just the glimpse of a second, and it felt like there was an understanding. Both of them cared for the Angel, deeply. Which led Aziraphale to believe that Rahatiel had manifested her before. 

“May I touch her?” he requested. 

Before Rahatiel could answer, the snake put her head against his carefully outstretched hand. Her scales weren’t rough against his skin like he expected, but were more of a cold leathery material. 

“Do you want to hold her?” Rahatiel whispered, worried to disturb the moment between Aziraphale and the snake. 

The Cherub nodded and the snake slid onto his shoulders. She was heavy and cold, but it felt like a comforting weight, even though he could feel every single bit of the powerful muscle that she was. He knew she could hurt him and she knew that, too. She also knew that he could easily hurt her, but they didn’t. They lived in a silent understanding that both of them were important to the Angel, so they wouldn’t hurt each other. 

“What’s her name?”

Rahatiel grinned. “Her name is Sondra.” 

He reached out and she moved onto his hand and then disappeared, at least Aziraphale thought she had disappeared, but with a small motion of his head, Rahatiel proved him wrong. 

Sondra was slowly slithering up Rahatiel’s arm, but she wasn’t manifested like before. She was nothing but a white and golden shimmer on the Angel’s skin, slowly moving around, until she arrived at the other hand, where she slowly manifested again. 

  
Rahatiel crouched down and let her slither onto the floor of Aziraphale’s room. “I hope you don’t mind if she’s around for a bit, she doesn’t get out much.”

Aziraphale shook his head, a little shocked. “No, I don’t mind at all.” 

The Angel sat down on the floor and patted the ground next to him. “Want to join me?” 

Aziraphale had never considered sitting on the floor of his chamber a possible option, but he suspected that this would just be another one of these first times that Rahatiel introduced him to.  
  


So he sat down on the floor next to the Angel. 

The lighting in Azirpahle’s room was harsh, bright white and strong, but even in this light, Rahatiel looked beautiful, ethereal you could say. His hair reflected the light, shining even redder than usual. His eyes were hit by a few stray beams of light and it looked like they were glowing. 

It was the freckles that Aziraphale was starting to focus on again when Rahatiel turned to look at him. 

“Do I have something on my face?” he smiled out carefully, scared of breaking this, whatever it was that they had at the moment. 

Aziraphale only shook his head. “No, I was just-” he swallowed. “I was just looking at your freckles.” 

And then Aziraphale saw something on Rahatiel’s face that he had never seen before. 

He blushed. 

What Aziraphale didn’t know was that Rahatiel had never blushed before. This was a first time that Rahatiel experienced with Aziraphale, and it wasn’t going to be the only one. 

“Oh, those things? I’m not really a fan of them to be quite honest,” Rahatiel confessed, looking away from Aziraphale while brushing his hair over his ear. 

“Why not?” The Cherub was confused. Why on earth did Rahatiel not like them, those fine golden lines, those freckles that reflected the light just so softly. He couldn’t understand how someone who was so beautiful wouldn’t like it. 

Rahatiel sighed. “Well, they started appearing when I started creating stars. Each one of them is a star or a constellation that I created. I’m just not a big fan of having to wear my own art on my skin, you know?”  
  


And then before the Cherub could stop himself, he reached out and touched the fine line on Rahatiel’s neck. “I think they are beautiful,” he whispered, more to himself than to Rahatiel, but the other still heard. They were sitting rather close, after all.

  
Aziraphale only noticed what he had just done when Rahatiel suddenly didn’t move anymore, his breathing so low that it didn’t even shake his body. 

  
“I apolo-” Azirpahle started only to be interrupted by the other seconds after starting his sentence. 

“Oh, it's no problem,” 

They stayed quiet for a second, both embarrassed, not sure of what to say to each other. This was new territory for both of them, something so unexplored that they had never even considered it before. Well, Aziraphale had thought about touching the other multiple times. But he hadn’t actually expected it to happen and definitely not so soon. 

“I didn’t mind,” Rahatiel added in a careful voice. “I’m glad one of us likes them.” 

“They really are stunning.” 

Rahatiel was quiet for a few seconds, before he looked at the Cherub, smiling timidly. “Do you-” he took a quick breath. “Do you want to see the others?” 

He looked worried. No, not worried. Scared. And for a moment, Aziraphale wanted to say no. But Rahatiel wouldn’t have asked if he wasn’t ready to show them, right? Was he scared of showing them? And then an idea hit Aziraphale like a flash, what if he wasn’t scared of showing them, but of Aziraphale not wanting to see, not caring. 

“If you don’t mind,” Aziraphale spoke and he was, for a second, scared of what would happen now. 

But he was simply met by Rahatiel’s soft smile, before the Angel took hold of the hem of his upper gown, pulling it off so that his upper body was exposed. 

He was thinner than Aziraphale had expected. But, even though he was thin, Aziraphale could see his muscles moving under his skin and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch. 

Which was when he saw all the freckles. Most were just lonely golden specks, littering the upper body of the Angel, but some... Well, some were connected through thin golden lines, like the ones on Rahatiel’s neck and Aziraphale wanted to trace every single one of them. To memorise them until he knew them all by heart until even if every memory of his life was gone, those patterns would remain. 

Rahatiel looked down at his chest, his cheeks a dark red, but he tried to play over it. 

  
He cleared his throat and pointed at one that was close to his right shoulder blade. “This here is the big Dipper,” he explained, his voice a little shaky. He wasn’t entirely comfortable with all of this, Aziraphale noticed.

“You don’t have to show me if it makes you uncomfortable, but I do have to say that they are all very beautiful,” 

Now the Cherub could see that Rahatiel’s face was almost the same colour as his hair. The blush bloomed all the way down onto his chest and Aziraphale moved a little back, giving the Angel some space. 

“Thank you, Aziraphale.” the Angel whispered and looked at the Cherub for a second before he cleared his throat. He wanted to add something, but they heard heavy footsteps and Gabriel and Michael’s voices.  
  
“Oh no, you should get out of here, quickly!” Aziraphale panicked, standing up too quickly and almost tripping over, but he caught himself. 

The Angel pulled up his gown and grabbed the snake that was still slithering around.  
  


“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he hushed out as he passed the Cherub on his way to the balcony, jumping off it with a grace that Aziraphale could only imagine he possessed. 

He watched the empty sky from his window, imagining what it would be like to fly with the Angel around the sky, before shaking his head to get rid of that thought, but it stuck in his brain, like gum on a shoe.  
  
Well, he didn’t know what gum was yet, or shoes. But, when he stepped into some gum in 1976, he had to think back at this moment and could only see that it was the only comparison that fit. 

* * *

  
  


Rahatiel didn’t speak a lot to his coworkers. They all didn’t speak much. He had some that he liked to hang out with, but most of them were somewhere else. It was his fault that he started his own personal project. 

He was still surprised at how well Lucifer had taken his request. These stars weren’t on the original plan, but Lucifer had just smiled when Rahatiel had come up with the idea and had told him the best place to make the stars. The place where they would be able to be seen from the garden. 

Lucifer was a good boss. Yes, he had his own issues, mostly complaining about some of the rules, but not too major. He was a rebel, just like everyone else in the Star Squadron. Axon, one of the other angels had once said that that was probably why they were sent out here. “Not so much to break”. 

And if Rahatiel was honest with himself, he believed it. They had always been the Angels that had gotten just a little out of control.  
  


But he never thought just how much out of control that would get until he overheard Axon and Lucifer speak. 

“I have to confront her,” he heard a voice, obviously Lucifer say as he flew past one of Jupiter’s moons. He immediately stopped in his tracks, he knew he shouldn’t listen in, but he was never one to follow the rules, so he did. 

“Are you sure that that is a good idea? I don’t really know how she would react, no one has ever really told God off before, have they?” Axon, clearly. 

“No, of course not, but I’m the firstborn, the Morningstar, maybe she will listen to me.” 

“I doubt it,” A third voice, Ramiel, an angel just under Lucifer's command. 

“How so?” Lucifer’s voice was laced with worry, with confusion and something Rahatiel couldn’t quite place. 

  
“Well, you see, I don’t think God would appreciate if you just run up there and tell here, we need to have a back-up plan. What if something happens to you?” 

“If something should happen to me, which I don’t think will, I’m giving you two full authority to do whatever you deem necessary to teach her a lesson,” Lucifer spat. 

And every single word of that made Rahatiel feathers shiver. He had to get out of here, now. 

So he pushed off the moon, flying as quickly and as silently as his wings allowed him towards his project. He decided to hide close to it for the remainder of the day, trying to not get roped up in their plans. 

But, in the end, it wasn’t his decision what happened to him. 

Only God’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wonderful art in this chapter was provided by the great [Vianne_art](https://vianne-art.tumblr.com/)


	4. Two sides of Heaven

The last time that Rahatiel set foot on the balcony, it was different. It was late, the sun that the Almighty had created was already setting, and the angels had been released of duty for the night. It was hard to work in the dark, so they preferred to rest. 

Aziraphale too had been resting, but when he heard the soft flutter of feathers, his head shot up and the all too familiar smile painted itself on his face before he even saw the angel. 

His smile faltered a little when he saw the worried expression on the other one’s face. “Rahatiel, is everything alright?” 

Rahatiel raised his head to properly look at the cherub, who was sitting in his chair, a worried expression on his face. Before he spoke, his lips twisted upwards, a careful smile spreading over his beautiful face. “I want to show you something, would you like to see it?” 

Aziraphale got up, his smile returning as he walked towards the angel. “Is it an animal? I remember how you said that you wanted to show me a duck next, you seemed excited about those.” 

The redhead smiled and stopped himself from reaching out to the other angel, wanting to touch his cheek and caress it. It wasn’t in his place to do so. “It’s far better than a duck.” 

“Better than a duck? What is it?” 

Rahatiel took a deep breath and dared to look into the cherub’s eyes. “Do you trust me?” he inquired. Stretching out his right hand and softly wiggling his fingers, an invitation to the cherub to take his hand.    
  
“Oh, with my life,” the cherub confessed and took the angel’s hand into his. 

They made their way to the balcony, Rahatiel pulling Aziraphale along. He spread his wings and that was when Aziraphale started to get worried, he had never left his chambers before, he had never been allowed to, well, he still wasn’t. 

  
“Do you need to leave my chambers for you to show me?” He asked with a hesitant voice. What if Rahatiel decided now that he wasn’t worth spending time with? What if he wanted to do more, wanted to show him more and Aziraphale couldn’t give it to him? And for a second he worried about whether this was what the almighty meant. He would never be good enough for his friend, never good enough for the other angels, for the humans. He didn’t deserve friends. 

“I do, is that a problem?” the Angel asked, squeezing the cherub's hand slightly. 

“I’m not supposed to leave my chambers and fly around.”

His worried expression was met with a grin, and the other hand of the Angel moved towards one of his main wings, stopping just centimetres from it. ”Why would the Almighty give you these gorgeous wings if you aren’t supposed to use them?” 

Aziraphale blushed at the compliment and quickly decided that the angel was right. They took off with two strong beats of their wings, flying close, not letting go of each other's hand.

Aziraphale’s flying was a little wonky in the beginning, his wings so strong that he didn’t really know how to control their power. But as soon as he found a rhythm that worked, he let go of the other’s hand, flying forward to test them out. 

Rahatiel followed, flying in spirals around the cherub, letting himself fall and catching himself before the clouds. 

And Aziraphale laughed, watching how carefree the other used his wings, in complete control. Knowing exactly how to turn and how to move so that he could catch the wind that would carry him. 

  
He looked happy, free. He looked like nothing could ever bother him and for a moment, Aziraphale forgot about his problems, about his fear. And he let himself fall, his eyes closed and his arms open. 

When he pulled in his wings, he fell quickly, the wind flowing over his face. He let himself fall, without any control, without worrying, without thinking about it. Just like he fell for Rahatiel. 

Just when he felt the first edges of the clouds hit his skin, he unravelled his wings, catching himself, opening his eyes and there he was. 

That Angel who had helped him find himself. The Angel who made it possible for him to laugh. 

The Angel who showed the loneliest creature in the entire existence that they deserved a friend and that they deserved to laugh. That he, the Cherub of the Eastern Gate, deserved happiness just like everyone else. 

And at that moment, he noticed that he would do anything for the Angel. As long as he could see the Angel smile at the end of the day, he would do everything.

“Aziraphale, this way,” Rahatiel said, and that pulled Aziraphale out of his thoughts, flying up to follow the other. 

They flew past the clouds, past the atmosphere. They flew up through the stars, tirelessly until they suddenly stopped. 

Aziraphale didn’t look at anything other than Rahatiel. “Is this where you work?” The vastness of the universe was so different than Rahatiel. It was so cold, so empty, so lifeless. 

It was so completely different than the Angel floating next to him. Who was smiling at him, smiling because Aziraphale was there and Aziraphale wanted to do nothing but hold him close, to press his lips on the golden freckles that adorned the other's skin. He didn’t know why, but it felt like he was on fire if he didn’t. But then Rahatiel spoke up, and the feeling numbed, it never disappeared, but the burning calmed itself. 

“That is my latest creation,” he pointed at two stars, which looked so close to each other as if they almost touched. 

“That’s gorgeous,” Aziraphale breathed out, almost blinded by the light that the stars gave off. He didn’t see it, but while he was watching the two stars, the Angel watched him. The Angel stared at his profile, tears stinging in his eyes. Trying to memorise the way the light reflected off of Aziraphale’s eyes, the way his face moved when he smiled, how his skin wrinkled up next to his eyes. 

  
He tried to take Aziraphale in. In case it all went wrong. 

Aziraphale didn’t take his eyes off of the stars when he spoke up. “What is it called?” 

The other moved his gaze from the Cherub and stared at his creation. “Alpha Centauri. Two stars, so close to one another, that from Earth they look like one-” The Angel beat his wings once and moved closer to the cherub. “- I built it for you,” he whispered, now close enough for Aziraphale to hear. 

The Cherub’s head snapped towards the Angel. “You built it-” his voice was a little shaky, but he pointed to himself, “for me?” 

Rahatiel just smiled and gave a soft nod. “I wanted you to have something to remember me by.” 

Aziraphale gave a soft laugh, that stopped when he saw the pained expression on Rahatiel’s face. “Oh, don’t worry, I can still visit you in Heaven, when I am stationed on Earth, we can still see each other.” He smiled, trying to make the other feel better. He wanted to reach out and take the other’s hand, but he was scared to do so. Rahatiel looked so… he looked so sad, so betrayed, so worried. 

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” he responded quietly and he let out a shaky sigh. “Lucifer and the others, they want to confront Her, ask her why she isn’t allowing us to love her more than we love the humans.” He looked into Aziraphale’s eyes, searching for something, but the Cherub wasn’t sure of what. “I’m worried that something might happen and-” he took a deep breath. “- I haven’t really been the perfect Angel either. So, in case something happens to me, whatever that may be, I wanted you to have something, to look at from earth, to remember me by. Just in case it all goes south.” 

Aziraphale reached out and grabbed Rahatiel’s hand, his eyes determined. “Whatever happens, I won’t let them hurt you. I will protect you, with everything I am.”

Rahatiel shook his head softly, his smile sad and his eyes filled with tears. “But what if you can’t?” 

“Then we’ll run away, no one knows the stars as well as you, right? We’ll hide!” Aziraphale heard his own voice and was surprised by how hopeful he sounded. How determined. 

But Rahatiel just shook his head and turned away. “They would find us, and if they don’t, She certainly will.” He let out a deep sigh, before turning back to the Cherub. Tears filled his eyes, his beautiful eyes that were never supposed to emote this sadness. “I don’t want them to hurt you too. They can punish me with all they want because of what I feel for you, but I won’t let them touch you,” the Angel took the Cherub’s hand into his. “You will be okay without me.”

Aziraphale stared into the other’s eyes. “You know I won’t be.” 

Rahatiel shut his eyes tightly, pursing his lips for a second, then nodded.. “Just indulge me in the fantasy of you being safe when I’m gone, okay Aziraphale?” 

The Cherub squeezed the other’s hand, their bodies weightless in the infinity of the universe, so many opportunities, yet no decision that would save them. 

  
“I promise that I will try my best to stay safe, whatever happens, Rahatiel. For you.” 

Without even opening his eyes, Rahatiel pulled Aziraphale into a tight hug, his hands scrunching up the fabric of the other’s clothes. Only when the other responded with wrapping his hands around him, did Rahatiel turn his face into Aziraphale’s neck, whispering a soft: “Thank you.” 

They left shortly after. There were no happy flight moves or smiles. There was a blanket of sorrow that was wrapped around both of them, while they flew back towards Aziraphale’s balcony. 

Their hands were intertwined their entire way back until they reached the edges of Heaven and Rahatiel pulled his hand out of Aziraphale’s grasp with an apologetic smile. 

Aziraphale landed first on his balcony. Setting his bare feet down on the familiar floor, on the tiles that he had walked since his creation. 

“Thank you,” he smiled, trying to look into Rahatiel’s eyes. “Thank you for everything.” 

There were other words that Aziraphale wanted to speak. He wanted to beg Rahatiel to fly away with him. To flee. They would be safe together, somewhere. 

He wanted to speak his words of love, he wanted to worship the other in a way only She had been worshipped. He wanted to throw himself on the floor in front of the Angel and beg for his life, beg for his hand.    
  


He wanted to stay with him, no matter the consequences.

Little did he know, that when Rahatiel pulled him into a quick embrace, the Angel wanted the same. He wanted to spread his wings, grab the Cherub’s hand and fly and just flee. 

But he knew that they couldn’t. They never would be able to make it work.

So with that, the Angel pulled away. Giving one last smile before leaping off the balcony. 

They felt the same, without even knowing, without telling the other. 

The Fallen one and the one who stood his ground. 

Two souls in love, intertwined by much more than they would ever know. 

* * *

  
  


In another part of Heaven, a rebellious son was having a fight with his mother. 

The Almighty sighed, her long hair falling around her face. “You must love them more than me, morning star.” 

She made her way over to her first creation and laid her hand on his cheek. Lucifer wanted to move towards it, to lean into it, but he didn’t.

“But Almighty, we were created to love you and now you tell us to love them more? I don’t understand.” His voice was desperate, the most beautiful angel in heaven, was shedding the first tear.

“And yet you love yourself almost as much as you love me, if not more. Right, Lucifer?” she implied. 

The Archangel squared his shoulders, his wings shaking. “You made us perfect in your image, how are we supposed to not love ourselves?” 

She pulled her hand away, standing tall and strong in front of her child. “Pride is a sin,” She countered. 

“But-”

“A sin, for which you must fall,” she stated, and without a second doubt, the ground opened up. 

And the last sight that God had of her first creation, was an outstretched hand, tears welling in his eyes. Despair. 

And the last thing, that Lucifer saw of his creator, his mother so to speak, was a look of disinterest, and at that moment, he promised himself, to never look back in pain. Only in anger. 

* * *

Rahatiel was on the big main square, normally this place was buzzing with life, but it was late, the garden was almost finished and even though angels didn’t need to sleep, they deserved some rest. And most of them hadn’t heard the news yet. 

Most of them were in their chambers, discussing ideas for flowers, for animals. Some even dared to think about what the humans might be like. 

Rahatiel had other questions, other things that he wanted to know, so therefore after he brought Aziraphale back to his chambers, hugging him carefully as a goodbye, he decided to go to the place where he had last heard Her voice. 

She had never spoken to him personally, he wasn’t important enough for that, not a principality, nor a cherub.    
  
He smiled at the thought of cherubs, well not precisely at the thought of Cherubs, but more importantly at the thought of one specific cherub. In Rahatiel’s mind, Aziraphale was his cherub, but he would never just openly tell him so. He didn’t want to scare his only true friend away, with feelings that might not be reciprocated. 

He didn’t understand what he felt for Aziraphale, but he knew that it was special. It felt like the love he felt for all things, but amplified, so much that it felt almost dangerous. So he decided to call the feeling Love. 

He loved Aziraphale, but the cherub probably didn’t actually reciprocate his feelings. 


	5. War and Rage

War had broken loose and Aziraphale could do nothing about it. He was standing on the edge of his balcony desperately screaming at his fellow angels to put their weapons down, but they wouldn’t hear. 

His eyes searched the crowd, Angels were fighting Angels. Flaming swords struck down Lucifer’s and God’s followers alike, golden blood staining the floor, soiling people’s feet and bodies. 

It was a massacre and Aziraphale could do nothing to stop it, but even when God told him to look away, to not worry himself with the things happening down below, he couldn’t stop scanning the crowd, not until he found a mop of red hair, trailing a tall slender angel. 

The angel was running through the crowd, moving out of the way of swords and fists. Hands were ripping feathers from his wings as he ran past them. He was looking for something, but Aziraphale couldn’t for the life of him figure out what that might be until he heard the all too familiar voice shout his name. 

For a second his heart wanted to jump, desperate to hear Rahatiel say his name again, but then he got his wish and he begged Rahatiel to stop.    
  


The angel sounded desperate, terrified. He was alone, running amidst a battle that he wasn’t involved in, dodging blows that could easily kill him, only to find Aziraphale. 

  
And that was when Aziraphale did what had never dared to do before: he screamed.    
  
“RAHATIEL! I’M UP HERE!” The words stung in his throat, his vocal cords not used to being used to their full extent. 

At the sound of his voice, Rahatiel turned and looked Aziraphale directly in the eyes. Aziraphale could see a small smile form on the other's lips as he pushed himself into the sky with a strong beat of his wings. 

  
Aziraphale delighted in that hopeful looking smile, of the Angel that he had dared to get close to, that he had dared to talk to. The angel he had dared to fall for. 

But it only lasted a few seconds, because before Rahatiel could beat his wings once more, his right-wing dropped, fire flickering over it. 

He watched as his love threw his head backwards, his mouth ripped open around a powerful and gut-wrenching scream. 

His right-wing was almost cut in half, a few primary feathers falling to the ground, painted a beautiful golden shimmer with Rahatiel’s blood. 

And as he watched the other fall, Aziraphale acted on instinct, opening his six pairs of wings and taking off with one strong beat. 

He had never used his wings with all their might and he was surprised by how quickly he was at Rahatiel’s, but even with how quick he was, he wasn’t quick enough, because before he could get to him, he saw white wings in front of him. 

Michael. 

She had put herself between him and Rahatiel, her flaming sword held high. 

“Aziraphale, this isn’t your fight. Go back!” She belted out, but Aziraphale didn’t move. He only met her eyes, staring her down.

“Move.” He ordered. As a Cherubim he was technically higher ranking than her, but Michael didn’t budge. 

  
“AZIRAPHALE, IS THIS REALLY WORTH FIGHTING FOR?” 

A small determined smile graced his lips, as he opened his wings to full span, trying to intimidate her. 

“He is worth dying for.” 

And with one strong beat of his biggest wing, he threw her off balance, the force so strong that her one wing caved in under it.

But as she stumbled, she lifted her sword and brought it down on his right thigh, strong enough to cut through his flesh all the way to the bone. 

Aziraphale didn’t scream out in pain, the only reaction she got from him was a small scrunch of his nose as he flew past her, falling to the ground next to Rahatiel without any grace. 

“Rahatiel? Oh, Oh no,” he folded his wings around them, sheltering them from unwanted looks. 

“Aziraphale?” The angel under him smiled out, reaching to touch his cheek with his right hand, caressing his face softly. 

“Please, please don’t go, I can-” He stole a glance at the other’s wings. “I can fix this, somehow, I promise.” 

But Rahatiel only shook his head and shushed him. “It’s okay, just look at me. Seeing your face is enough of a comfort right now.” 

Tears stung in the Cherubims eyes as he met the other’s golden eyes. “You can’t save me Aziraphale. It’s too late.” 

Aziraphale shook his head, the tears falling onto the other’s face. “No, I can- I can talk to the Almighty, we can heal you. Everything’s going to be-” 

But he didn’t manage to finish that sentence, his words swallowed by the other's lips. He had dreamed of this, imagined it, yearned for it. But now that he could finally taste his lips, he didn’t want it. Not if it meant goodbye. Not if it meant losing him. 

As Rahatiel pulled back, he was wearing a sad smile. “Think of me, when you look at the stars.” 

“We are going to look at the stars together, I’m not letting you go.” 

Rahatiel’s thumb caressed his cheekbone carefully. “Oh, love, you have to, what I did is unforgivable.” 

As soon as those words were spoken, the ground under the Angels opened up, Rahatiel’s wings turning a metallic grey colour and with a sad smile, the angel fell through the ground of heaven, his wings pulling him down. Letting him fall. 

And Aziraphale tried his best to follow, tried to break the invisible barrier that stopped him from following the only thing that had made heaven bearable.    
  
“RAHATIEL!” he screamed after the other, his wings fluttering, spewing chaos. 

“Aziraphale!” A voice behind him ordered. A voice that was familiar. 

Gabriel.   
  
“Calm yourself!” the Archangel yelled but Aziraphale only turned to him, his flaming sword manifesting itself in his hand. 

“Calm down?” he asked back with a hatred that you could almost taste as his words flew through the air. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Principality.” Aziraphale’s eyes widened at the title that Gabriel had used for him. 

Principalities were under cherubs. He had been demoted. 

But before he could think too much about it, he felt a searing pain as two of his wings were cut clean off, making his demotion final. 

He fell to the ground with only one thought in his mind. 

_ I wish I had fallen with you.  _

  
  



	6. The Fall

His trusty wings that normally carried him over the clouds, weightless and soft, were now pulling him down to his demise. He tried to lift them, but they were heavier than anything that he had ever encountered and as he looked back, he saw that God had invented a new metal to make the Angels fall.

Lead.

Pulling him down, falling so fast through the Earth’s newly created Atmosphere which he had helped to create, that he felt how his wings started to heat up from the friction. He felt the flames lick up his face and he tried to shy away from them, but he couldn’t. 

  
He felt how the freckles adorning his skin burnt, the same patterns that Aziraphale had caressed only a few days before, and he writhed and screamed. 

  
His throat protested with how loudly he screamed in pain, with how his usual soft voice changed. His vocal cords grinding against each other as his lungs filled with fire. 

Rahatiel felt like he was dying, he was sure of it. He didn’t know what death was exactly, but he had heard the other Angels, the Angels who had created life. He had heard them talk about an unstoppable force, a force so powerful that it could destroy everything that they had created. A force so powerful that it could destroy the entire universe, even God herself. 

Rahatiel had the feeling that only a being of such extreme power could hurt him like this, could make him burn up from the inside. 

He knew that there was someone else who was capable of doing this to him, but he didn’t want to believe it. That God would destroy him, hurt him, burn him up, just because he had loved. 

Before he could even consider that thought, the metal around his wings started to melt, the heated metal burning his wings, flowing into the crevices between his wings and sizzling his skin. 

_ If I have to die, why are you torturing me like this? Can’t you just let me die? _ He tried to shout, but instead, a scream of pain pierced through the air. 

And why would he even ask? No one was listening anyway. 

To ease his pain, he tried to think of Aziraphale, of his smile, his blonde hair that looked like a halo, the way his perfect lips had kissed his. 

But no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he focused on the Cherub, he couldn’t remember his face, he couldn't remember the colour of his eyes. He couldn’t remember the way his voice sounded, the way he sounded when he said his name. 

His name. 

But what was his name? 

What did the Cherub call him? What name did the Cherub whisper out when he wanted to take him to Alpha Centauri? 

“WHO AM I?” he screamed and his wings caught on fire, and the lead that was still on them started to boil. 

He was still falling, no one there to answer his cries. His own tears were falling slower than him, so he saw them fly upwards from his face. 

A fire that released water. 

Suddenly a smell hit his nostrils and all other thoughts left his mind for a second: he had never smelt something that disgusting. It smelt like burnt bodies. He didn’t know that yet, of course, but he imagined that that was what it smelled like. 

He couldn’t think about it much because he fell into a pit of black liquid. He opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out except bubbles that lazily rose to the top. 

His wings burnt, his eyes stung and the right side of his face had a piercing pain run through it. 

The black tar started to enter his lungs, and for a moment, he thought that he would die here. That this was God’s punishment, drowning him in burning sulphur, sulphur burning the inside of his lungs. 

But then, he felt a hand grab his. And slowly he was pulled from the burning sulphur. 

The black boiling liquid dripped from his face and he blinked a few times before his vision focused on a face he had seen so often. It was Lucifer. His wings were gigantic, just like the former Angel had remembered them, but they were deep black, smouldering in some places. 

“Are you alright?” the former Archangel asked and the former Angel didn’t know how to respond. Of course, he wasn’t. But there was something, something stopping him from saying it. Lucifer put his hand on his cheek and smiled. “It’s okay, we will all be okay. Trust me, fallen one. There must be a reason for this.” 

He let his fingers trail close to the now fallen Angel’s right ear, almost touching it. 

“I’m sorry about this, but I need to take your name from you, forever. Trust me, it is better for you, but it will hurt, ” Lucifer said and his face contorted. As his fingertips started to burn, the former Angel screamed.

He screamed loudly while the Devil drew careful lines with burning fingers into his skin. 

While the fingers burnt his already sensitive skin, he felt Lucifer rummaging through his memories. Not major ones, only the ones before the fall. He saw how he had fled, how he had tried to fly to Aziraphale. He saw their kiss. 

But the moments when Aziraphale used to say his name were suddenly empty. He was stripped off his name, of his former identity. Everything that had happened in Heaven started to get muddled.

He could remember everything that had happened, but it didn’t feel the same. He could tell you whom he had been with, how he had been feeling, but he couldn’t grasp the conversations. He couldn’t remember what people had said to him, what he had said to them. 

And then, just as quickly as the burning had started, it stopped. He tried to think of his name, but it was gone. He tried to think of the names of his fellow Angels, but nothing came. 

  
“You didn’t fall like the rest of us,” Lucifer mumbled, cocking his head to the side, admiring him. But before the former Angel could ask questions, Lucifer continued. “It only hurts to think of Heaven. I know it’s a painful process, but in the end, it’s worth it-” and he paused before smiling out. “It’s worth it, Chorozon.” 

And then the former Angel did something that surprised the Devil. He laughed.

  
“Yeah, no. That’s not my style,” He had the audacity to grin at Lucifer. Who grinned right back. 

“How about Crawley then? It fits you.” 

The former Angel cocked his head. “How so?” 

Lucifer only grinned. “Oh, you’ll find out, Crawley. You’ll find out soon.” 

And with that, the Devil turned his back on the new Demon. A Demon who didn’t know what his job was yet, a Demon who didn’t know what it meant to be a Demon.

  
A Demon who didn’t know that he was more powerful than any other Demon in Hell. 

  
Lucifer knew he had known the second he had laid his hand on his cheek. He had known before he turned him into a snake. 

He knew that Crawley would play a part in Humanity. A part, way bigger than his own. 

All he had to do was wait. 


	7. Alone again

Rahatiel is gone. That’s the thought that runs in a loop in Aziraphale’s head. He’s gone, he’s never coming back.

_ You did this to him. He fell because he loved you! It's your fault that he is dead.  _

Aziraphale shook his head. “He isn’t dead, he can’t be,” he whispered to himself. Even though he had no way of knowing if that was actually true.    
But he just had this feeling, this feeling deep inside him, that Rahatiel was somewhere, that he was alive and that his love hadn’t faded. 

But even if his love hadn’t faded, Aziraphale’s happiness had. 

  
After the Angel was gone, Aziraphale caved in on himself. Burying himself in his stories of the animals, of the flowers. Every single time he got new pages about the creations he flipped through them, pulling out the new types of mongoose, of snakes, of daffodils, of carnations and throwing them off his balcony, letting them fly like his angel had. But unlike him, they fell to the ground, stopping at the bottom of heaven. Not a single one fell through the floor. 

Not a single one fell like his Angel had. 

It also didn’t matter how often he pulled them out and threw them out, Gabriel would always bring them back. They would always be on top of the newest stack. 

  
The first time that Gabriel handed him a new stack of papers and he saw a Nightingale stare back at him, his legs almost gave out. He felt tears pricking in his eyes as he took the papers into his hand, Gabriel’s cold stare on him like a knife’s edge grazing over his skin. 

“Don’t let me find most of them on the square again, Principality,” he spat towards Aziraphale, who didn’t respond. He didn’t even react, because while Gabriel spoke, his mind just flew back to the first time he had seen the little bird. 

It had been right here, in his chambers. Rahatiel had created it before he had landed on the balcony. The nightingale had simply settled down on the Cherub’s desk, singing a soft song and hopping from side to side.    
  
Aziraphale had watched it carefully, studied it. Trying to check if he had seen it before. “You like it?” The Angel had asked while walking around Aziraphale to sit down on the floor. 

  
“You know I love everything you show me,” Aziraphale had replied, looking down at the Angel, who had smiled softly. “How are the stars coming along?” 

“Ah, you know,” Rahatiel had grinned, laying down on his back, his hands under his head. “Still trying to outshine you and never succeeding,” 

The sound of his door slamming shut pulled him out of his daydream, his knees buckling down under him. That was the first time that he had felt that the Angel might love him back. 

And all of it had happened while a Nightingale sang its soft melody, hopping around, like nothing bad could ever happen. Oh, how wrong it had been, how foolish.

Bad things had happened, and all he could do was watch. Nothing he ever did was right, he should have just stayed in his chambers when the Angel had first asked him to come along. He should have never talked to the Angel. 

God was right to not allow it. It hurt to admit, but the pain wasn’t even comparable to the pain that he felt now that Rahatiel was gone. 

So Aziraphale cut himself off, even further than God had cut him off from the beginning. He didn’t even exchange pleasantries with Gabriel or Michael anymore. He was quiet. 

There was no reason to speak if Rahatiel couldn’t hear him. 

It was around two weeks after his Angel had fallen when Gabriel walked into his chambers. His grin was wide enough to part an ocean and Aziraphale wanted to knock every single tooth that he could see out of Gabriel’s face.

  
“Aziraphale! It is time to fulfil your purpose. The garden is waiting for you.” 

The principality didn’t look at Gabriel when he stood up from his chair. He just dusted off his robes and walked straight past the Archangel.    
  
“Adam and Eve are going to arrive in about fifteen minutes if I’m correct. Until then, try to stay out of the way.” Gabriel said while they flew downwards, to the perfect circle of life in the desert of death. The Garden of Eden. 

They landed on the wall, the stone it was made from was cold and hard under their bare feet. 

“Aziraphale?” Gabriel said, and something in his voice told the Principality that he really should look at the other now. So he did. 

He stared into those purple eyes, eyes so cold that they could freeze the cells in your body. 

  
“Don’t ruin this for the rest of us. Do your job and do it well.” Gabriel hissed out. 

Aziraphale only nodded and it seemed that Gabriel was happy with that, because, without another word, he spread his wings and took off, leaving the Guardian of the Eastern Gate alone once more. 

He let out a long breath, tears stinging in his eyes, before he jumped off the ledge, letting himself fall like Rahatiel had so many times before. 

And finally, he understood why the other had done it. For a moment, just that small moment of descent, Aziraphale was free from responsibilities, he didn’t need to think, he didn’t need to walk, he didn’t need to fly. 

All he had to do was to let himself fall.

And then, he caught himself, only a metre away from the grass on the ground. His wings strained at the sudden usage, but it was a good pain. It was a sharp pain, a pain that reminded him that he was alive, that he was here. 

That he was alone. 

Just as he wanted to let himself drown in that feeling, he heard voices.

Adam and Eve were here.

Humanity had begun and, with them, a story bigger than Heaven or Hell. 


	8. A new Beginning

Aziraphale had watched the two humans closely for the past few days. They seemed similar enough to Angels in their anatomy, only that they sometimes... Well, they engaged in certain things that he didn’t quite understand, but he told himself that he didn’t need to understand what they were doing to respect it. 

But Aziraphale hadn’t been the only one watching the humans. Behind the Principality, on a large apple tree sat a snake, waiting to strike at the perfect moment. A snake that watched the Principality more than the Humans he was supposed to be watching. 

The snake, or Crawley to his fellow demons, told himself that he was watching the Principality for his own safety’s sake. If the guardian found out that he had managed to slither into Eden unnoticed, he would definitely not take pity on him. But there was something else in him that made him watch the other. 

  
He felt like he knew the Principality. Sometimes, when he looked at those hands, he had the feeling he could feel them on his neck. Or when he heard him whisper to himself, he could have sworn that he knew the voice. That he had heard it before. 

But the voice that he had in his head was different. It sounded lighter, happier. It laughed, the Guardian of the Eastern Gate never laughed. Crawley had watched him for around five of the seven days that the garden had existed and the Principality had not even done as much as a smile, except the sad soft upturn of his lips when he saw certain flowers. 

Crawley felt something as well when he looked at the flowers, but it didn’t seem to affect him nearly as much as it affected the other. Maybe it had something to do with him being a Demon and the other being an Angel or maybe he just didn’t understand. Maybe he just didn’t remember the significance that these flowers must have had in Heaven. 

It was on the seventh day, that Crawley finally struck. The Principality had been distracted by one of the flowers that Crawley had placed on the ground on purpose, knowing it would confuse the other enough for him to go through with it. 

And suddenly, Humanity was damned. It only took one apple, one bite and God decided that her creation was damned eternally. 

Crawley wanted to leave after he tempted Eve, but as his eyes caught sight of a small yellow flower, he stopped himself. He stared at the small flower, trying to figure out what that feeling in his chest was. 

This feeling of his lungs being pushed from the sides, making it hard to breathe. This feeling that felt like someone squeezed his heart with both hands. 

He picked up the flower and hid it in his gown. Before he went back to Hell, to report, he turned around and caught sight of the Guardian. Standing tall on the wall of Eden. A silhouette so familiar, yet so unknown. 

He slid over the grass and onto the wall without a second thought. 

Something was pulling him to the other, he just didn’t know what. And if someone would have told him that it was the love that he still felt, he wouldn’t have believed them, even though deep down, he knew they would have been right. 

* * *

Many things happened in between that first day of the fall of Humanity until the day where they found themselves now, sitting in a small park in Tadfield. 

It took them six thousand years and an almost apocalypse for them to reach this point. This moment on Madame Tracy’s picnic blanket, that she had gladly offered when Aziraphale had suggested that they would go visit Adam, Anathema and Newt for the anniversary of the apocalypse. 

Normally it wouldn’t be something to celebrate, somehow they managed to stop it, to stop the world from breaking apart, to stop their sides from going into a war that would have probably been eternal. So they decided to celebrate because it isn’t every day that you get to save the world.

And that all of the long years would lead them here, sitting surrounded by apple trees and the saviours of the world. They don’t look like it and if they told anyone that they saved the world from the apocalypse, no one would ever believe them. But it was the truth, they all knew that they just decided to keep that info to themselves. 

Aziraphale was sitting on the blanket with Madame Tracy. Shadwell was slightly snoring while leaning onto a tree, while the rest were playing football. Crowley and Newt weren’t great at it, but they made up for it with enthusiasm. 

So in the quiet moments, between the excited shouts of the players, Madame Tracy leaned over towards the Angel, who was watching the game with soft eyes. 

“So, Aziraphale,” she tapped on the shoulder with her one hand, which made him turn towards her. “Have you ever been in love?” she spoke in a soft voice, as to not startle the Angel, but her question had already done that. 

He found his composure quickly. “Yes. Yes I have,” his voice sounded sadder than he wanted it to, but he tried to play it off. Crowley and he hadn’t talked about their feelings yet, he didn’t even know if Crowley reciprocated his feelings. He knew that Rahatiel had, but well, many things changed with his fall. 

The woman next to him let out a soft “Oh,” before moving a little closer, comforting him softly with a hand on his back. “How did it end?” 

He just watched Crowley run after the ball, almost tripping over his own feet, and then, he did what still tugged on Aziraphale’s heartstrings like the first time he heard it. He laughed. And it still sounded like his Angel, but it also sounded so much better. It sounded so much happier, now that they were free. 

Yes, Crowley didn’t have the golden freckles anymore that Aziraphale had fallen in love with, but the patterns on his skin were still the same. Just now they were a brown, easier to miss than to make out, but Aziraphale loved him just the same. By all that’s holy, he had never stopped loving him. And he knew he never would, so he just looked at the woman beside him, a smile on his face and said: “It hasn’t. And I don’t think it ever will.” 

It was at that moment that Crowley decided to look over to them, a grin on his face and waving to the pair on the blanket and it was then when Aziraphale could feel the wave with full force. The same love that he had felt so long ago. Still there, still strong and he knew in that moment that they could figure this out. 

To say it didn’t take long for them to figure it out would be a lie. It did take them six thousand years and an almost apocalypse, but in the end? 

Well, In the end, they made it work. 

  
  
  



End file.
